The Stag Do Act

Section 4 subsection 2(a) of the Stag Do Act 1987
Amongst the participants of any Stag Do there must be one reveller, not being the groom to be, who is the person that the rest of the group can consider to be the LIABILITY. This person will be the self appointed Stag Do Police Liaison Officer. They carry veto over every other member of the group and must possess exceptional levels of resillience in the face of the rest of the group saying things like “Just keep quiet” and “You’re not helping the situation”.

This Stag Liability must be the one with the loudest voice and richest vocabulary which can be heard in Dolby sound clarity at a distance of 300 yards or 1 Porthcressa Beach length. At any one time they must be the drunkest person amongst the group by a factor of 5.

This skilled negotiator’s role is to complain bitterly that they are being spoken to by “Mr Policeman” yet refuse to break off from the conversation and go home untill their 25th apology has been acknowledged by a handshake. An accomplished Stag Liability is identifiable by the complexity of the handshake they insist on doing and this can include a bump of the knuckles followed by a tripple thumb grab thingy and a hand to the chest loving hold as if meeting ones Homey from the Bronx.

It was my great privalege to have met Ben from St Just tonight. Have a great Wedding whoever the groom was. Heaven help you if Ben is your Best Man.

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About scillysergeant

I'm the longest serving police officer on the Isles of Scilly for a generation currently the Police Sergeant for the Archipelago
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