New Year New Hat

A new year and a new hat. Four years worth of foot patrol in the sunshine and salt spray of Scilly have bleached my old one into retirement. Unless I sort out a decent moisturising regime for myself I may be next. This helmet has been my trusty companion holding spare gloves, a first aid kit, paperwork, and on occasion a morsel of locally made fudge for when I am peckish. All hidden from view tucked conveniently up inside my Custodian Helmet. I don’t know what, if anything any other officers keep/kept in their hats but it will be a sad day for policing when these disappear. Flat caps just don’t have the storage capacity.

To de-bunk an urban legend there is no law that states that a pregnant woman can demand to urinate in a Policeman Helmet. A completely made up law just like the one about Hackney Carriage drivers being allowed to pee on the rear tyre of their cab without fear of prosecution if they have at least one hand on the top of their cab. Presumably committing this defence to two hands would risk outraging public decency. In practice the idea of seeking relief in a Coppers hat wouldn’t work either. Think about it. What preservation of dignity would it afford clamping a Custodian Helmet between your thighs? Throw a cape around her perhaps. In addition to that there is a practical problem with this mythical law. To prevent it getting hot under the hat there are ventilation holes. Upturned it would act more like a sieve than a potty. If you are insistent in getting your shoes wet then there is no merit in straining it all through my hat first. Colin Taylor Scilly Sergeant


About Colin Taylor

Devon and Cornwall Police Officer
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4 Responses to New Year New Hat

  1. Sooz says:

    I’m still agog to know what happens to the old one. 😀

  2. Elizabeth Franks says:

    Best way to transport fish and chips in here in the cold north. Unfortunately our hats were just too small so had to ask the lads to bring ours in for us

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