This is a message to all Scilly drivers including aspiring James Bonds. We are on a mission to take on drivers who use mobile phones while driving. Even those with a “Double O” status do not have a licence to kill over here.
We stop you driving while on your hand held device you will be reported at the roadside and face the prospect of a £100 fine and three points on your licence or, if you chose, you could elect court. It will be nothing personal but inevitably it will feel so in such a small place where we all know each other. In an effort to avoid embarrassment for all of us I have summarised your options if your phone rings or you receive a text while you are driving:
1. Ignore it. Ring or text the caller back later
2. Pull over to the side of the road somewhere safely and turn your engine off BEFORE answering it. (Leaving the engine running while talking on the phone means you are still in control of the vehicle and this is still an offence)
Inevitably we will not catch up with every Secret Agent reporting the success of their mission back to M but we will try. From time to time other drivers will see people using mobiles. We will act on your evidence if you contact us with it if it is sufficient for a prosecution. This way there are more eyes about on our roads for these potential Agents of death. In practice this will mean at least two independent witnesses to the same event to fulfil an evidential requirement for court. To date nobody has come forward or been prepared to provide us evidence. If you know who the repeat offenders are I would encourage you to let us know. I’ll even agree to a dead letter drop if you wish to remain anonymous.
Sgt Colin Taylor
A new year and a new hat. Four years worth of foot patrol in the sunshine and salt spray of Scilly have bleached my old one into retirement. Unless I sort out a decent moisturising regime for myself I may be next. This helmet has been my trusty companion holding spare gloves, a first aid kit, paperwork, and on occasion a morsel of locally made fudge for when I am peckish. All hidden from view tucked conveniently up inside my Custodian Helmet. I don’t know what, if anything any other officers keep/kept in their hats but it will be a sad day for policing when these disappear. Flat caps just don’t have the storage capacity.
To de-bunk an urban legend there is no law that states that a pregnant woman can demand to urinate in a Policeman Helmet. A completely made up law just like the one about Hackney Carriage drivers being allowed to pee on the rear tyre of their cab without fear of prosecution if they have at least one hand on the top of their cab. Presumably committing this defence to two hands would risk outraging public decency. In practice the idea of seeking relief in a Coppers hat wouldn’t work either. Think about it. What preservation of dignity would it afford clamping a Custodian Helmet between your thighs? Throw a cape around her perhaps. In addition to that there is a practical problem with this mythical law. To prevent it getting hot under the hat there are ventilation holes. Upturned it would act more like a sieve than a potty. If you are insistent in getting your shoes wet then there is no merit in straining it all through my hat first.
Free to collect. One careful owner.They are quarter of a century old in virtually pristine condition.
Would suit teenagers bedroom or former detainee nostalgic for the old days.
Our old, heavy, steel cell doors are being skipped and replaced. We are fully renovating the two cells at St Mary’s Police Station. Bringing them up to modern standards for the safety and comfort of the hoards who may want to use them.
At Isles of Scilly Police Department (IOSPD) we are hugely excited at the prospect of showing our first official guest around the new accommodation. There are two single rooms. Each with an ensuite toilet *. They include a bed, well hard shelf actually but if you are chilly we will throw in a blanket. CCTV in both rooms to be watched by because when you are with us you get our undivided attention. An intercom to the Concierge at the Custody desk. On request it will be their pleasure to provide a plastic cup with what some people call tea, a book about the law with no pictures and access to a human called a Solicitor (Lawyer if you have watched too much American Cop TV).
Some people just have to be the First and at IOSPD we understand that. That why we have a special offer to help you jump the queue. The following people take precedence. Drink drivers, people who assault their partners or children, thieves and an infinity of other alleged offenders. There is sometimes a small Charge or perhaps a word of Caution for our services. Any takers?
Dial 999 or 101 if you want to make a booking for someone not so dear to you.
*Toilet paper provided on request.
Here’s a new blog feature I am calling it. “Oh why did you have to ask me that?”———————————-
Dear Sgt Kill Joy,
If I buy a Balance Board for my child this Christmas can they use it on a road?
Mrs A. Parent
Dear Mrs Parent,
Oh why did you have to ask me that?
No they can’t.
The dull bit: Balance Boards are mechanically propelled vehicles (MPV’s). MPV’s cannot be driven on the road without insurance. Good luck trying to get third party insurance for a Balance Board in the UK because they are not registered for use on roads.
As a parent if you permit your child to use a balance board on a road to which the public have access both you and the child could be committing an offence. In the context of Scilly this includes all roads and public places. So that’s St Mary’s, all the off islands, the skate park, the pavements and further afield in the rest of England and Wales. It is really not the police you need to fear in this regard though. If your child injures someone while using a Balance Board in public the injured person may look to sue you.
On the bright side if you keep the box it came in we will let you use that anywhere on the islands. Here’s Mat trying out the post Christmas craze.
Sgt Kill Joy
Perhaps it is because we live on small islands that left and right have no meaning. You are always going to end up where you started within a survivable time frame no matter which way you turn.
I’m developing the hypothesis that this is why looking either way before crossing roads on Scilly is almost completely absent from the habits of locals and visitors alike.
Twenty minutes of scientific observations off duty, stood waiting in a queue for the papers outside Mumfords Newsagents this afternoon are bearing witness to my Nobel winning sociological revelation. Road v Pavement are abstract concepts and have no meaning to pedestrians. The curb and junctions here are evidently trivial boundaries as seemingly meaningless and unmanageable as any national frontier outside of North Korea. I observed the different driving strategies of motorists and cyclists negotiating this live equivalent of a Frogger video game. Applause goes to the patient drivers who accept this as a pleasant consequence of negotiating our roads here. Other more visibly stressed and condemnatory motorists might try considering this as a sort of poetry in motion while they go about their business. There are no jay walking laws here and I’m not the Green Cross Code Man so I don’t see it changing any time soon. After all, persons far greater than us have been conforming to the phenomenon of standing in the middle of the road for many decades.
(Lord Harold Wilson waiting outside the Coop before the era of selfies)
Sgt Colin Taylor